i'm on top of it day - september 14
2:55 PM
I finished reading To All The Boys I've Loved Before today. If you're in the mood for some YA chick lit, it is one that I would actually recommend (in spite of the fact that the exposition lasted a tad too long and then the ending not quite long enough-turns out there's a sequel that starts the day after the first one ends. I guess that's a great editing choice to sell more books rather than tell a quality story) because I thought the characters had dimension and was surprisingly surprised along the way. It's a book about a girl who writes love letters to guys as a way to purge her affection for them. She never intends to send these letters but one day these letters end up in the mailboxes of the five boys she's liked.
Today, in an effort to be "on top of it," I am attempting to break up with sugar (for the next ten days). So here is my letter.
You are beautiful and delicious and wonderful.
You were there for me when I didn't make the tennis team. That pint of Ben & Jerry's was the most consoling consolation prize a girl could hope for. Or in Texas, when things got rough we'd indulge in some pan dulce and somehow you'd cure us. And there was the day last Spring when my heart was broken, that cookie dough was the balm I needed to put it behind me (that and several episodes of Gilmore Girls).
We've also had some great times. A couple weeks ago, my sisters and I walked down to our local frozen yogurt place and we had such fun enjoying our dessert. Plus, you are the main event at parties. I mean, add you and it's an instant party.
That's exactly what I like about you so much. Even when it's just the two of us, I feel everything is so much more fun, more special, more happy, because we're together.
I don't want to break up with you for all those reasons but I do want to break up with you because every time you make me feel wonderful, you make me feel rotten about myself.
The high you give me is temporary and you just mess with my body chemistry (and I'm not talking about the good kind of chemistry).
You stick around my body in places that I don't want you to be. Which leaves me upset inside my very own skin. It's not okay for you to make me hate my body. But that just makes me go back to you to rectify the self-hate with your quick high.
That's the absolute worst part. I feel dependent on you. I can't go a day without you. And while that might sound romantic or whatever, there's nothing alright with me acting like a teenager so reliant on her vampire boyfriend that she falls apart otherwise (New Moon Bella, I am speaking of you). I am an independent woman and I can live without you.
So I am proving that.
I'll go 10 days without you.
After that, maybe we can be friends? I'd really like that. There's so much amazing about you but I think this is right for us. I'm sorry but it's not me, it's you.
Wholeheartedly,
Melinda
Melinda
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